A Change of Mind...and Heart

So I've been thinking quite a bit this past week about ending this blog, and I might even go so far as to say I have been convicted about it. For some reason, God keeps placing it on my heart that this blog is significant. I don't really know why. I don't really think it's a phenomenal blog, but I've been thinking a lot about my other blog, where Micah and I tell funny stories about life in Arizona and the adventures of being newlyweds, and I've just been realizing that this blog is so much more important than that one. The other blog isn't bad. It's a lovely, funny glimpse into our lives, and I know our parents love reading it since we are so far away from them. But I am reminded daily, by the prompting of God's Spirit, that this blog, right here, is a meaningful endeavor to which God has called me.

Now granted, this blog does not have many followers and my other blog gets way more hits each day. But I know that the words here encourage certain women in my life (thank you all for your lovely comments), and I just think there is something valuable in that. I was talking to my best friend a few months ago, and she was explaining how so many of the stories in the Bible are new to her. She did not grow up in a Christian household and became a Christian after college. Her faith and her story are beautiful to me, and I love that she is so eager to learn more about the Bible. How often do I take for granted my own knowledge about the Bible? I was blessed to grow up in Christian home, go to a Christian elementary school, even to fall under the instruction of some amazing teachers at my church in college. I had the books of the Bible memorized by 2nd grade and could explain the main differences between Elijah and Elisha by the 3rd grade (Elijah came first, because "j" comes before "sh"...never forgot that little trick). But I am not normal. God has given me the gift of being raised to know His Word, and I want to share that gift with others. He has also given me the spiritual gift of teaching (which I realize everytime I find myself in classroom full of teenagers and somehow find myself at home there, despite my limited education, background, or skill as an educator), and He has given me the earthly talent of writing fairly well. Ever since middle school, I have always, always wondered how He wanted me to use writing for His glory, and this blog seems to be one simple way of doing just that. Truth be told, one of the biggest sins of my youth was not obeying the Lord, despite all I knew about His Word and His character. I wasted so many years of high school and college not really loving the Lord with my whole heart (and therefore not really obeying Him because the two go hand in hand), even though He had blessed me with so many opportunities to know Him and love Him and obey Him.

So here's the deal... I want to honor God with this blog.... even if that means encouraging or teaching the five or ten women who read it regularly. This blog is not perfect. I sometimes get nervous that some great pastor is going to stumble across this blog (I'm thinking of John Piper or C.J. Mahaney or Mark Driscoll here... as if they would ever spend their time reading my blog... ha!!!) and tell me that parts of it are theologically unsound. I pray that I am staying true to Scripture in what I write, and I rely heavily on the ESV Study Bible commentators to keep me on track. I want women to be able to use this Bible as a resource, whether they are looking for encouragement with a certain struggle or want to study a certain section of Scripture when preparing for a Bible study. Now I know there are many blogs that provide resources far better than mine (http://www.desiringgod.org/ is a favorite when prepping to teach a Bible study), but I want to use what God has given to me and share it with other women. So unless I hear God calling me in another direction, Flowers Fade is here to stay, and I plan to make it more searchable as it grows, so you can look up entries by topic or by book of the Bible. Thank you for being a part of this ongoing journey. I hope you are blessed by reading this blog as much as I am blessed to write it.

The Year in Review.

Well, I am done. Thousands of pages, chapters, verses. Sixty-six books. Two testaments. One Bible. And what an amazing year it's been. This year has been full of transitions, great joys, and difficult trials. It included engagment, a wedding, the first six months of marriage, quitting a job, moving to a new state, starting graduate school, finding a new church, and making new friends. Thankfully, God and His promises sustained me through all of these many changes and uncertainties.

I can honestly say that never before have my day-to-day life and the Word of God been so beautifully intertwined. I have always known the Bible fairly well, but this year the Bible truly changed me. It influenced my attitudes, my decisions, my actions. It made me swallow my pride and say "I'm sorry," it made me pick up a rag and bottle of sanitizer and clean dirty public bathrooms for the glory of God, it made me take a deep breath of patience when Micah was frustrating me, it made me reach out and say "hi" to a neighbor when I just wanted to be alone. I was not perfect this year by any means. I was far from perfect, and I had God's word to remind me of my sin, my depravity, my awful flesh. But I also had God's word to convict me and to remind me of the power I have in Christ to say "no" to sin. I have the Holy Spirit, who empowers me to live by God's word. And God's Word teaches me to repent, to serve, to be patient and self-controlled, and to love my neighbor. I love God more and I love His Word more after spending this year studying scripture. I long to be changed by His Word more and more as I continue my life on this earth.

So what's next? The strangest thing about reading through the Bible in a year is that you don't really know what to do when you get done. I look forward to slowing down the pace of my reading. I am excited to spend time meditating on one or two chapters of the Bible a day, instead of studying three or more chapters at a time. I have also been convicted that I need to improve other areas of spiritual discipline in my life - namely prayer, which I have really been neglecting since the move this summer. I am excited to delve into deeper, longer times of prayer, to listen to some sermons, to read some theological books, to think of more ways I can be Christ to my new community here in Arizona. But I am also excited to read more of the Bible... I delight in the fact that God's character is so full of goodness, holiness, and power that there will always be more for me to learn from reading His Word.

Reflection #6 - Reading Revelation

I actually just finished Revelation (and my year-long journey through the Bible) on Saturday, but because of the busyness of the Christmas season, I haven’t been able to blog during this past week. I wanted to take a moment to reflect on Revelation and what I learned when reading it, before I take a step back and reflect on the whole past year and what lies ahead for this new year.


The main thing I have learned in reading Revelation is that I know hardly anything about the end times… no one does. Even those things I thought I understood, such as the conversion of a great number of Jews in the last days (Rev. 7), cannot necessarily be taken literally. Some scholars believe that a large number of ethnic Jews will be converted in the final days; others believe the Jews symbolically represent the church in general, since all Christians are adopted sons and daughters of Israel.

The ESV Bible editors often offer the different viewpoints on controversial verses and passages in the Bible. For example, they will explain viewpoints A, B, and C and then say that both A and B are possible, while C is not because it contradicts another area of scripture. Sometimes they even say one viewpoint is most likely and why. But the notes in Revelation do not offer such insight. The commentators explain the different historical schools and how they interpret Revelation, but they can’t say which school is right, because no one really knows God’s timeline between now and the end of history. God reveals to us what He want us to know and He keeps hidden those things that are best kept undisclosed, such as when God tells John not to reveal what the seven thunders say in Revelation 10. The ESV commentary says it best: "Christ's church must live by faith amid the unrevealed mysteries of God's purposes."
However, there are a number of things we do know from Revelation that can comfort us despite what we don’t know:

• God is the good creator and sustainer of the universe. "Worthy are you, Our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they existed and were created." (Rev. 4:11)

• Jesus is victorious over sin and death. "Then I saw heaven opened, and behold, a white horse! The one sitting on it is called Faithful and True, and in righteousness he judges and makes war... From his mouth comes a sharp sword with which to strike down the nations... He will tread the winepress of the fury of the wrath of God the Almightly. On his robe and on his thigh, he has a name written, King of Kings and Lord of Lords." (Rev.19:11, 15-16)
• Jesus is the slain lamb who washes us clean. "Worthy are you to take the scroll and to open its seals, for you were slain, and by your blood you ransomed people for God from every tribe and language and people and nation." (Rev. 5:9-10)

• God hears and responds to the prayers of his saints. "And another angel came and stood at the altar with a golden censer, and he was given much incense to offer with the prayers of all the saints on the golden altar before the throne, and the smoke of the incense of the prayers of the saints, rose before God from the hand of the angel. Then the angel took the censer and filled it with fire from the altar and threw it on the earth." (Rev. 8:3-5)

• Suffering for God now results in glory later. "And they have conquered him (Satan) by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, for they loved not their lives even unto death... Also I saw those who had been beheaded for the testimony of Jesus and for the word of God, and those who had not worshiped the beast or its image and had not received its mark on their foreheads or their hands. They came to life and reigned with Christ for a thousand years." (Rev. 12:11, 20:4)

• Heaven will be amazing. "Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away." (Rev. 21:3-4)

Don’t shy away from reading Revelation because it’s difficult to interpret. I suggest you read it with a quality Study Bible or commentary, but definitely read it because it’s full of so many great promises from God. Instead of worrying about what I don’t know about the future, I know I have a God that I can trust now and always, who has sealed my salvation and my future in Christ.