Christian "Advice" - From Bad to Worse

I am wrapping up my reading of Job, and I have to admit I get frustrated and irritated reading it. I know you are probably thinking, "You shouldn't feel irritated reading God's Word," but the truth is, I have felt that way over the past few days. The reason...listening the horrible, incorrect advice from Job's friends during his time of suffering. Job is at the worst point of suffering in his life, and his three (and eventually a fourth) friends journey to comfort him. That means the first few chapters of Job are good to read - in that you see how and why Job is tested with suffering, you see his obedient, submissive response of worship to God, and then you see friends who love him travel from afar to show compassion for their friend. Good, good, good. Then things get ugly. These three friends have no idea how to comfort their friend, and they speak for the next 30+ chapters about how they are wise and Job must be hiding sins that he is now being punished for, as they see his suffering as "a wicked man's portion from God" (Job 20:29). I understand that part of the book is to see how these friends (and Job in his response to them) are wrong, and how God is ultimately just, right, and sovereign, which is seen in God's response at the end of the book, but it's so hard to read the Christian "advice" of these four men for chapter after chapter.

However, in my irritation, I was struck with the thought that Christians often give poor advice to their brothers and sisters. I have a dear friend who is currently struggling through cancer treatment, and she said one of the hardest things to deal with is unhelpful advice/encouragement from Christian friends. She said there are two camps: those people who pray and believe that God WILL heal her absolutely, and go about with an almost too cheerful attitude about the disease that has struck her, and others who mourn the disease as if there is no hope, that to be struck with such a thing is unjust, and who cannot believe she is not just falling apart at the thought of facing cancer. Her Godly response to the first camp: God might not heal her; He is not called to, and it doesn't change anything about His love and care for her or the fact that she is in Christ, so she already knows she will have victory in the end. But, get real, cancer sucks. She is sick and suffering and it's incredibly hard, probably physically more than anything else. To the second camp: Her hope is in God. Cancer does not change anything about her identity in Christ, and she is not going to waste away her life mourning a disease and feeling hopeless. She is going to worship God and live life for His glory, even when her suffering is at its worst.

This leads me to question: as a Christian, how do I comfort and encourage a friend who is suffering. I think the answer is - with humility. I think it's so easy for Christians to speak words of advice that they think are right, when they don't really know or understand God's plan in the suffering. I'm sure I am probably guilty of giving presumptuous advice. This is God's rebuke of both Job and his foolish friends - "Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth?" - meaning why do we pretend to know God's purpose in suffering. We know He is merciful, just, sovereign, loving, and knowing His character and his promises sometimes just needs to be enough for us. As Christians, we are called to "rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep" (Romans 12:15). Clearly, we are called to suffer with those who suffer through compassionate, empathetic love. But sometimes I think that love means NOT giving advice. I am going to try to approach the way I comfort others with more humility, with a willingness to admit "I don't know what the answer is or why God is doing this; I just trust that He loves you and He is sovereign even this suffering. I only know this suffering is horrible, and I can't even understand the full extent of it. Let me weep and suffer with you because that's the only thing I know to do in my finite knowledge of the Lord."

Suffering

I finished up Genesis a couple of weeks ago and moved onto Job. I am reading through my ESV Study Bible, but I am using the reading plan from the Chronological Bible, which attempts to arrange the books in the order in which they are thought to have been written. Therefore, I moved from the silent sufferings of Joseph, who was betrayed by his brothers and sold as a slave to a foreign land, to Job, who is attacked by Satan and has his property, family and health taken away from almost instantly. What do these two men have in common? They praise and obey God despite their circumstances. Joseph suffers through life as a slave and, later, as a prisoner for a wrong he didn't commit, before he is finally elevated to governor over all the land because of God's grace toward him. Yet, even in his horrible, isolated situation that lasts for many, many years, he remains faithful to God. It's only when he looks back on his situation, when he has sons of his own, that he verbalizes that his past has been full of "hardship," but he still praises God for delivering him from all the ways he has been mistreated over the years.

Likewise, Job suffers much and is still able to praise God. When Satan come before God, wanting to test Job's faithfulness, he is then granted the authority to essentially "ruin" Job's life by killing off his children, destroying his property, and by strking him with disease. And what does he do in the very next few verses? H praises God! He learns that all his children have died, and he "fell on the ground and worshiped" (Job1:20). Of course, he is mounring. He tears his robe, shaves his head, and is deeply grieved. But he praises God. How convicting for me. I often find myself in a bad mood, feeling selfish and miserable, at the slightest inconvenience to myself. My schedule doesn't go as planned, my students are irritating me, wedding planning is overwhelming... I often find myself sinning in these situtations - arguing, lashing back, feeling sorry for myself, filled with anxiety. I don't naturally turn to God and praise him. And look at the gifts he has given me: a busy schedule full of friends, ministry, and activities; a stable job and students I get to work with every day; an upcoming marriage and the fun of a wedding! How I want to be more like Job, who in all his trials, "did not sin or charge God with wrong" (Job 1:22), but instead worshiped his Creator and Redeemer.

The Patriarchs - Faith and Folly

I just finished reading through Genesis and I want to take a moment to reflect on the lives of the Patriarchs and what I learned when reading through the lives of Noah, Abraham, Issac, Jacob, and Joseph.

First, as recognized by the writer of Hebrews, the faith of these men is amazing and inspiring. From Noah, who was willing to build an ark and, in doing so, become the laughing stock of his community, to Abraham who left his relatives to set out for an unknown land that God had promised him, to Jacob and Joseph, who despite decades of troubles always drew near to the Lord, the faith of these men convicts me to live a life of faith, despite the inconvenience of the calling or the trials of my temporary circumstances.

However, the faith of these men is far from perfect. Abraham obeyed his wife's wish that he sleep with her servant, because they didn't trust that God really would provide a son in their old age. Jacob spent most of his life with almost a half-faith of sorts. He was deceitful when he stole his brother's blessing, and went to the home of Ladan, still only half-way trusting the Lord. For example, when Jacob is fleeing his brother's wrath, he has his well known dream of a ladder or stairway to heaven. When he wakes up, he knows he has encountered God's presence, but he only builds a pillar instead of an altar in response (Genesis 28). It is not until his life-altering wrestling match with God at Peniel about twenty years later that he gives his heart fully to the Lord(Genesis 32). What an awesome reminder that God really does use "faith like a grain of a mustard seed" (Luke 17:6). The Lord, by His Spirit, gives and increases faith. It's nothing we can do on our own. If faith were created and sustained within ourselves and by ourselves, I'm pretty sure the men of Genesis would not have left much of a legacy.

Also, it's important to remember that these men were not perfect; they were called righteous because of their faith, as small and weak as it was at times. Noah, the faithful boat-builder and father of all generations after Adam, spent his old age getting shamefully drunk, according to Genesis 9. Abraham, who planted the seed for the whole nation of Israel, slept with his wife's servant (which started the Arab-Israeli conflict that we see to this day) and denied his wife two times, giving her over to other men to save his own life. How important to remember that God is good; we are not. Even these men, who never lived to see "their commendation" in Hebrews 11, were not perfect. They lived by faith in the mercy and grace of God through Jesus Christ. Although they had not seen Christ, and had heard very little of him, except through hints of a kingdom established by God and prophecies of the defeat of sin, they were willing to live lives of faith, knowing that God had "prepared for them a city" after death (Hebrews 11:16), and that His promises would be fulfilled in coming generations.

Genesis 1-5: Adam and Eve

This New Year of Bible reading got started with an interesting twist, because I got engaged on midnight of New Year's 2010. I started my Bible reading the next day, and it was interesting to read about Adam and Eve and the Fall through "engaged" eyes, if you will. Bascially meaning, I went into it thinking, "what can I learn about marraige from the first ever marriage, created by God himself?" The most interesting thing I learned about was how God's command to Adam to "work and keep" the Garden (Gen. 2:15) relates directly to Adam's role in marriage. Adam's job was to grow and guard the garden, and involved leadership over all the animals, vegitation, etc. When God then created Eve, his wife, he was then responsible for growing and guarding her as well. This becomes every married man's job - to grow and nurture his wife (as with a plant) in order that she will produce God-glorifying fruit AND to guard her from evil and harm. Whoa. Micah has a big job before him.

But don't think I could read the story of Adam and Eve without being convicted myself. It would be nice to think that Micah will have the hard job of growing and guarding and that I'm just along for the ride. However, I know that the curse for Eve's sin (and my own) is before me: "Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you." (Gen. 3:16). I know that I will always have to battle self in submitting to and serving Micah. My sinful nature will want control in situations instead of lovingly and obediently letting Micah take control, as he is called to by God.

But then again, Micah will have to battle the sinful desire in those situtations to "rule" instead of lead. Because of the Fall, women want control when they are not supposed to have it, and men tend to either be cowardly and not take control or, conversely, rule harshly instead of leading with love.

By the grace of God, Micah and I can walk this road of marriage together for the glory of God. I am still so excited to get married, but my first day of reading God's Word put my excitement in a Godly context right away. Marriage is a beautiful calling, but it's not necessarily an easy one. I look forward to growing by the grace of God in my future marriage, and watching Micah grow as well, as we both seek to know and be like Christ.

The year ahead...

In the fall, I felt convicted I needed to step up my quiet times with the Lord in the coming year. I decided that starting in January I would once again go through a chronological Bible to help me spend solid time with God each day. Although I feel like I grew in discipline (by God' grace only) over the past year, by consistently having quiet times in the morning instead of the evening, I knew I need to increase the length of time I was spending in the Word, as well as focus more on STUDYING of the Word, and not just reading it to read it.


Enter the ESV Study Bible, which my sweet friend Kristin gave me for my birthday back in September. I decided that when January arrived, I would go through the daily reading plan from the Chronological Bible, but actually read the passages from the Study Bible in order to study and learn through the amazing footnotes. I would also listen to the same passages on CD on my way to work. And I decided I would blog about my readings to hold me accountable for processing and writing about what I'm reading. I have never really had a blog before, but no one can hold me accounatable for what I write (or don't write) in my journal, so I figure I would try it.


So here we are. I am a week in and let me just say, I need grace. Before I started, I thought I would be able to actually read the passages twice a day - from the ESV in the morning and again from the Chronological at night. On about day one, I realized I was probably pretty prideful to think I could even manage that. I took a step back - and my goal is to read in the morning, listen to the same passages on CD on my morning commute, and then try to blog at least once a week. Pray for me...