Christian "Advice" - From Bad to Worse

I am wrapping up my reading of Job, and I have to admit I get frustrated and irritated reading it. I know you are probably thinking, "You shouldn't feel irritated reading God's Word," but the truth is, I have felt that way over the past few days. The reason...listening the horrible, incorrect advice from Job's friends during his time of suffering. Job is at the worst point of suffering in his life, and his three (and eventually a fourth) friends journey to comfort him. That means the first few chapters of Job are good to read - in that you see how and why Job is tested with suffering, you see his obedient, submissive response of worship to God, and then you see friends who love him travel from afar to show compassion for their friend. Good, good, good. Then things get ugly. These three friends have no idea how to comfort their friend, and they speak for the next 30+ chapters about how they are wise and Job must be hiding sins that he is now being punished for, as they see his suffering as "a wicked man's portion from God" (Job 20:29). I understand that part of the book is to see how these friends (and Job in his response to them) are wrong, and how God is ultimately just, right, and sovereign, which is seen in God's response at the end of the book, but it's so hard to read the Christian "advice" of these four men for chapter after chapter.

However, in my irritation, I was struck with the thought that Christians often give poor advice to their brothers and sisters. I have a dear friend who is currently struggling through cancer treatment, and she said one of the hardest things to deal with is unhelpful advice/encouragement from Christian friends. She said there are two camps: those people who pray and believe that God WILL heal her absolutely, and go about with an almost too cheerful attitude about the disease that has struck her, and others who mourn the disease as if there is no hope, that to be struck with such a thing is unjust, and who cannot believe she is not just falling apart at the thought of facing cancer. Her Godly response to the first camp: God might not heal her; He is not called to, and it doesn't change anything about His love and care for her or the fact that she is in Christ, so she already knows she will have victory in the end. But, get real, cancer sucks. She is sick and suffering and it's incredibly hard, probably physically more than anything else. To the second camp: Her hope is in God. Cancer does not change anything about her identity in Christ, and she is not going to waste away her life mourning a disease and feeling hopeless. She is going to worship God and live life for His glory, even when her suffering is at its worst.

This leads me to question: as a Christian, how do I comfort and encourage a friend who is suffering. I think the answer is - with humility. I think it's so easy for Christians to speak words of advice that they think are right, when they don't really know or understand God's plan in the suffering. I'm sure I am probably guilty of giving presumptuous advice. This is God's rebuke of both Job and his foolish friends - "Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth?" - meaning why do we pretend to know God's purpose in suffering. We know He is merciful, just, sovereign, loving, and knowing His character and his promises sometimes just needs to be enough for us. As Christians, we are called to "rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep" (Romans 12:15). Clearly, we are called to suffer with those who suffer through compassionate, empathetic love. But sometimes I think that love means NOT giving advice. I am going to try to approach the way I comfort others with more humility, with a willingness to admit "I don't know what the answer is or why God is doing this; I just trust that He loves you and He is sovereign even this suffering. I only know this suffering is horrible, and I can't even understand the full extent of it. Let me weep and suffer with you because that's the only thing I know to do in my finite knowledge of the Lord."